For the past couple of years I've spoken to my local paper as part of M.E Awareness Week. This year I haven't quite had the time and energy, but I did manage to write and submit a piece to our local community magazine - The York Flyer. You can read my piece online at the following link or, if you live in York, in May's issue which is available now.
http://www.theyorkflyer.co.uk/latest.html (the piece is a few pages in)
I just wanted to say thanks for all the support and sharing of my poem from my last post! I got such a lovely response and some really nice comments, and thanks to the power of the internet it's gone all over the world. It means an awful lot, and hopefully it's had an impact and raised some awareness! A big well done to everyone blogging and tweeting for MEAW - I know it can be so tough to find the energy to do it all when you're ill, so it's so great to see so many people getting involved.
Hopefully I'll be able to blog again before the week is out!
Until next time,
Sarah x
Showing posts with label m.e/cfs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label m.e/cfs. Show all posts
Thursday, 10 May 2012
Monday, 7 May 2012
M.E - A Poem
To mark M.E Awareness Week 2012 I have written this poem as an expression of the emotions felt whilst suffering with M.E, based upon my own experiences. Please take a look and share with others if you can. Thank you!
M.E
Virus, not well, mild frustration,
Missing out my education,
Visit GP, desperation,
Blood tests, waiting, agitation,
Still so sick, a bad sensation,
Return to GP, preparation,
Bloods clear, now what? Anticipation,
Hospital the new location,
See consultant, evaluation,
“You have M.E”, a revelation,
Explains the illness, grabs attention,
I’m not alone, a celebration
List of symptoms, expectation,
“No cure yet though”, hope deflation,
Just more waiting, stirs emotion,
Wiped out, pain, poor concentration,
Sickness, joint pain, bad digestion,
Fatigue, weak muscles, debilitation,
Insomnia, sleep deprivation,
Bedbound, housebound, isolation,
For some comes hospitalisation,
Have to stay strong for duration,
Where’s the help, consideration?
Benefits battle, messed up nation,
Struggle through the registration,
Misunderstood by population,
Media writes words of fiction,
“M.E not real” a fabrication,
Still I fight, no liberation,
Too ill to learn, no graduation,
No job at all, no work promotion,
Charities help, make a donation,
Volunteers at their station,
To help with my incarceration,
Recovery the destination,
For now in my imagination.
M.E often (but not always) develops after a virus, as was the case with me when I came down with glandular fever which developed into M.E. Diagnosis is initially a relief, after being ill for so many months not knowing just what is wrong with you. But then comes the realisation that there is no cure for M.E. It is an emotional rollercoaster that lasts for years.
M.E Awareness Week - 6th-12th May 2012.
Sarah x
Sunday, 6 May 2012
M.E Awareness Week 2012
M.E affects around 250,000 people in the UK and currently has no known cause or cure. Symptoms incluse post-exertional malaise/extreme fatigue, muscle pain and weakness, joint pain, cognitive problems such as poor memory and concentration, nausea, headaches, sleep disturbance, sore throats, digestive problems and many more.
I hope to put up a few posts throughout the course of the week to help spread awareness, but I admit MEAW has come at a tough time for me. I'm currently undergoing orthodontic treatment and will be having braces fitted this week (something I was meant to have done years ago but which has been delayed for years because of my health) and so my energy this week will be spent surviving that. I haven't managed to speak to my local paper this year which is a shame, but I have written a short piece for a community magazine which I will try and share once I have a copy to hand.
And I'll be taking to Twitter of course! Follow me @ThatSizGirl to see those updates.
In the mean time, please visit the following websites to find out more about M.E.
http://www.ayme.org.uk/
http://www.actionforme.org.uk/
http://www.meassociation.org.uk/
Thank you.
Until next time!
Sarah x
Monday, 16 January 2012
Awareness Video
I've posted an M.E Awareness video by the lovely Daisy before on this blog, and she has made another brilliant one so here it is!
This is so true, and is something I've been thinking about a lot recently. Last week I was at the hospital and as usual, I stopped by the shop there to pick up a few magazines. One of them is a well-known women's mag which I read regularly, usually when I need change and have to break into a fiver/tenner to get it! But I enjoy reading it each time. Only this time, I was reading this magazine and it really struck me just how irrelevant to my life it is. I'll explain.
Most women read these sorts of magazines because you can relate to them, and I have been able relate to them in the past. But when you don't live the life of an average woman because illness is holding you back, you suddenly realise just how different your life is. Let's take a look at the average topics covered in a women's magazine -
Career- well I can't work, as is the reality for many other sick and disabled people. Tips on how to boost your career or make the most of your office hours really don't apply to me. I would love to work, but it's just not possible with my health problems, and so reading about where I should be in my life or how empowering a job can be is only going to get me down.
Fashion and beauty - I like buying clothes, don't get me wrong. But right now my outfit choices are 99% based on what will be comfortable for whatever task I'm doing that day, or more frequently what is the warmest outfit I own so that I don't freeze and end up in even more pain with my joints? Add to the fact that I'm living on pretty much no money at the moment because the benefits system is a joke, then it is very rare I get to spend money on pretty lovely clothes. As for beauty, I barely have the energy to bathe and brush my teeth as it is. I can't spent hours primping and preening and wasting valuable energy on the many stages I should be going through to maintain perfect skin.
Relationships - M.E is a very isolating illness, meaning meeting new people can become difficult, and most of your time is spent alone or with family. I know plenty of people with M.E who are in relationships and so this isn't a blanket thing, more a personal one. But relationships for me have to come pretty low down the list of daily worries.
Fitness and exercise - I've actually become a lot more body conscious since getting ill, but there is really very little I can do about it. I cannot exercise, I can't join a gym or go jogging or swimming or whatever else they're advising. I really wish I could.
So I sit there thinking to myself, when did women's magazines become escapism? Surely they're designed to be the opposite; to be relevant to every day life.
This is just one example. Another thing I used to struggle with was listening to the radio. Especially stations aimed at a younger audience. I'd listen to shows where people were ringing in, worrying about exam results and uni, thinking "that should be me". People would talk about going out on the weekend, and again that's something I can't do.
Everywhere you hit brick walls where your life doesn't permit you to join in with the rest of the world. From not being in education, to not being able to get into your favourite shop because it doesn't have a disabled ramp and you can't face asking them to go and get the portable one. But we muddle on because we have no choice, this is our life and we're stuck with it.
This is probably a bit rambly and I'm not sure I've gotten across everything in the way I hoped, but I just wanted to get it out there.
Until next time,
Sarah x
I find it hard to express just how much this video resonates with me, because I literally feel everything written on those tiny slips of paper, and often struggle to put into words the things which this video says. I'm so grateful to Daisy for all the great work she does raising awareness, because she often says exactly the things I want to but in a way I never could! This part especially -
M.E makes you feel like the world wasn't designed for you
This is so true, and is something I've been thinking about a lot recently. Last week I was at the hospital and as usual, I stopped by the shop there to pick up a few magazines. One of them is a well-known women's mag which I read regularly, usually when I need change and have to break into a fiver/tenner to get it! But I enjoy reading it each time. Only this time, I was reading this magazine and it really struck me just how irrelevant to my life it is. I'll explain.
Most women read these sorts of magazines because you can relate to them, and I have been able relate to them in the past. But when you don't live the life of an average woman because illness is holding you back, you suddenly realise just how different your life is. Let's take a look at the average topics covered in a women's magazine -
Career- well I can't work, as is the reality for many other sick and disabled people. Tips on how to boost your career or make the most of your office hours really don't apply to me. I would love to work, but it's just not possible with my health problems, and so reading about where I should be in my life or how empowering a job can be is only going to get me down.
Fashion and beauty - I like buying clothes, don't get me wrong. But right now my outfit choices are 99% based on what will be comfortable for whatever task I'm doing that day, or more frequently what is the warmest outfit I own so that I don't freeze and end up in even more pain with my joints? Add to the fact that I'm living on pretty much no money at the moment because the benefits system is a joke, then it is very rare I get to spend money on pretty lovely clothes. As for beauty, I barely have the energy to bathe and brush my teeth as it is. I can't spent hours primping and preening and wasting valuable energy on the many stages I should be going through to maintain perfect skin.
Relationships - M.E is a very isolating illness, meaning meeting new people can become difficult, and most of your time is spent alone or with family. I know plenty of people with M.E who are in relationships and so this isn't a blanket thing, more a personal one. But relationships for me have to come pretty low down the list of daily worries.
Fitness and exercise - I've actually become a lot more body conscious since getting ill, but there is really very little I can do about it. I cannot exercise, I can't join a gym or go jogging or swimming or whatever else they're advising. I really wish I could.
So I sit there thinking to myself, when did women's magazines become escapism? Surely they're designed to be the opposite; to be relevant to every day life.
This is just one example. Another thing I used to struggle with was listening to the radio. Especially stations aimed at a younger audience. I'd listen to shows where people were ringing in, worrying about exam results and uni, thinking "that should be me". People would talk about going out on the weekend, and again that's something I can't do.
Everywhere you hit brick walls where your life doesn't permit you to join in with the rest of the world. From not being in education, to not being able to get into your favourite shop because it doesn't have a disabled ramp and you can't face asking them to go and get the portable one. But we muddle on because we have no choice, this is our life and we're stuck with it.
This is probably a bit rambly and I'm not sure I've gotten across everything in the way I hoped, but I just wanted to get it out there.
Until next time,
Sarah x
Tuesday, 13 December 2011
M.E In The News
I woke up today (after sleeping in late, something which has been creeping back into my habits lately!) to find that there is an M.E story doing the rounds on the web, and so I thought I should blog for the occasion! The article can be found on the BBC website via the link below, please take a read.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome "affects one in 100 pupils"
We already know that M.E/CFS affects around 25,000 young people in the UK, which works out at around one student per secondary school. This is something that doesn't come as a surprise to me, and from my own personal experience I've found myself being someone who attends a school where somebody else suffers from M.E/CFS as well as myself, and through speaking to teachers I became aware of previous students that had attended the school who had suffered from the illness, too.
As for the figures about students who are absent from school - again, I'm not surprised. After all, that was me 5 years ago. Attending school whilst having M.E is one of the most difficult things I had to do in my life and one of the toughest periods of my illness so far. Many students who have M.E will be unable to attend full time; I myself went through several attempts at part time schooling, the most being 2 hours per day and the least being 5 hours per week. Of course there were times where attending school at all was completely impossible, and so there were months, literally, where I wasn't in school at all. Eventually in Year 11 I was given a home tutor to complete my education as attending school became too much for me.
Battling the symptoms of M.E every day is hard enough, but school presents all kinds of issues on top of that. The daily symptoms of crippling fatigue, muscle weakness and pain, joint pain, headaches and sore throats are combined with the struggles of keeping up with peers, in an attempt to live a "normal" life. With M.E sufferers missing large chunks of school through illness then it is easy to get behind, meaning time spent at school has to be subsidised with catching up on all the work you've already missed, as well as battling to stay on top of the current workload. On top of that, schools are a hotbed of germs and bugs, and with many people with M.E suffering from low immune systems, one cold caught from a schoolmate can be enough to set you back weeks if not months. For me, walking around the school building became increasingly difficult, and during my time at 6th form I would often find myself coming home only for my legs to give way from underneath me after a mere hour at school.
So much more research needs to be done into this illness, as more and more people become aware of the wide reaching consequences living with M.E comes with. Missing out on school during your teenage years can have a huge effect on people, not only from an educational point of view but a social one as well. School is where we make friends, or where we see out existing friends on a regular basis. M.E is an extremely isolating condition, with many sufferers becoming housebound and at worst bedbound. This is no existence for a teenager, and I hope people will see the news today and realise that we need to be doing more to help these people - not cutting funding and leaving sufferers to deal with their illness on their own. On top of that, in light of these figures then I hope schools themselves will look into this illness more and put in place plans of action for M.E patients. Teachers and school nurses should be educated and fellow students need to be supportive.
I'd urge anyone who is struggling with school whilst living with M.E to contact the Association of Young People with M.E for help and support - details can be found at http://www.ayme.org.uk/
Thank you,
Sarah x
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome "affects one in 100 pupils"
"A study following 2,855 pupils at three schools, published in the online journal BMJ Open, found 28 missed school with chronic fatigue syndrome."
"The researchers looked at every pupil between the age of 11 and 16 at three secondary schools in Bath. The 461 pupils who were absent for at least a day a week in a six-week term were investigated further."
We already know that M.E/CFS affects around 25,000 young people in the UK, which works out at around one student per secondary school. This is something that doesn't come as a surprise to me, and from my own personal experience I've found myself being someone who attends a school where somebody else suffers from M.E/CFS as well as myself, and through speaking to teachers I became aware of previous students that had attended the school who had suffered from the illness, too.
As for the figures about students who are absent from school - again, I'm not surprised. After all, that was me 5 years ago. Attending school whilst having M.E is one of the most difficult things I had to do in my life and one of the toughest periods of my illness so far. Many students who have M.E will be unable to attend full time; I myself went through several attempts at part time schooling, the most being 2 hours per day and the least being 5 hours per week. Of course there were times where attending school at all was completely impossible, and so there were months, literally, where I wasn't in school at all. Eventually in Year 11 I was given a home tutor to complete my education as attending school became too much for me.
Battling the symptoms of M.E every day is hard enough, but school presents all kinds of issues on top of that. The daily symptoms of crippling fatigue, muscle weakness and pain, joint pain, headaches and sore throats are combined with the struggles of keeping up with peers, in an attempt to live a "normal" life. With M.E sufferers missing large chunks of school through illness then it is easy to get behind, meaning time spent at school has to be subsidised with catching up on all the work you've already missed, as well as battling to stay on top of the current workload. On top of that, schools are a hotbed of germs and bugs, and with many people with M.E suffering from low immune systems, one cold caught from a schoolmate can be enough to set you back weeks if not months. For me, walking around the school building became increasingly difficult, and during my time at 6th form I would often find myself coming home only for my legs to give way from underneath me after a mere hour at school.
So much more research needs to be done into this illness, as more and more people become aware of the wide reaching consequences living with M.E comes with. Missing out on school during your teenage years can have a huge effect on people, not only from an educational point of view but a social one as well. School is where we make friends, or where we see out existing friends on a regular basis. M.E is an extremely isolating condition, with many sufferers becoming housebound and at worst bedbound. This is no existence for a teenager, and I hope people will see the news today and realise that we need to be doing more to help these people - not cutting funding and leaving sufferers to deal with their illness on their own. On top of that, in light of these figures then I hope schools themselves will look into this illness more and put in place plans of action for M.E patients. Teachers and school nurses should be educated and fellow students need to be supportive.
I'd urge anyone who is struggling with school whilst living with M.E to contact the Association of Young People with M.E for help and support - details can be found at http://www.ayme.org.uk/
Thank you,
Sarah x
Monday, 17 October 2011
What I Learnt From Twitter
Most people who know me will know I love Twitter, and so over a year after joining, I have decided to dedicate a whole blog to the things I have learnt since joining Twitter.
I'll start with the time before I actually joined. Twitter was one of those things that very quickly became something you couldn't avoid. It burrowed its way into popular culture, aided by many "celebs" along the way. I think I first became aware of the site when Stephen Fry discussed it with Jonathan Ross on his BBC talk show. It wasn't enough to peak my interest though, really. Over the following months it would be forced upon me, through the medium of radio. Radio 1 was a station I (used to, anyway) listen to a lot, and as the big shows (Chris Moyles for instance) started to utilise its power, I became curious. Well, before curious I became angry. Many of the show's features were using twitter, despite the minute proportion of the show's audience that actually used the site, leaving to a lot of feeling left out if were to even remotely understand what it was they were talking about. "Trending topics" came up more and more frequently, and celebrity interviews would be littered with "are you on twitter?" and the giving out and sharing of twitter handles, who has more followers etc etc. Then the Twitter boom took off, and you couldn't watch a TV show without them mentioning Twitter, listen to a podcast without them mentioning their twitter, or keep up to date with anything pop culture without having Twitter. And so after speaking to a few friends and seeing whether it was worth the fuss, I, too, joined Twitter.
At first I started out with a small number of followers, who were just my friends, and I protected my tweets. I saw my page as a simple version of Facebook, where I could update my thoughts and feelings, maybe slightly more frequently than I do my Facebook status, which I rarely do to this day. Having a limited audience made it more cosy, a friendlier atmosphere than Facebook where anyone and everyone can see what you're up to these days. I'd found plenty of people to follow, a lot of them related to Harry Potter, as the fan sites and film stars were some of the accounts I most wanted to follow before joining. And I started enjoying the site. Trending topics became my way of keeping up with breaking news, and I came across new websites/artists/people whose tweets interested me, and my following count started to grow. But it wasn't until May of this year that I really started to see the benefits of Twitter, and how it can be used for good.
As it was well documented on this very blog, M.E Awareness Week took place during May, as it does every year. This was the first M.E Awareness Week where I had Twitter at my disposal as a tool for raising awareness and promoting good causes. I chose to unprotect my tweets so that the public could read them, therefore spreading the message even wider. It also provided the ability for people to retweet my tweets (something not available when tweets are protected) as well as being able to communicate with people who aren't following me (again, not available when tweets are protected). I, and others, had taken on the task of sharing round this M.E Awareness video made by the lovely Daisy. How would we get the video out there? Well, by tweeting celebrities of course! If we could get this message to appear on the profiles of people with tens, if not thousands of followers, then we were exposing that video to a huge audience. Of course not all of them are going to click the link, but certainly a good proportion of them might show some interest. As you can see by the number of views on that video (now over 9000 which is phenomenal) the video was a huge success, and a large part of that is down to Twitter, the the celebs who were kind enough to retweet mine, and other people's tweets.
Straight after awareness week, I protected my tweets again. "Online safety!" called the little voice inside my head, but I had witnessed the power of Twitter, and that played on my mind for some time. Now I have my tweets unprotected, and find I get so much more enjoyment out of Twitter. I can interact with more people, which involves speaking to people all over the world. I can get my voice heard, people occasionally retweet my tweets (who knew I had anything of value to say?!) and so my message was spread further. I can talk and communicate with people who are similar to me, and I find all sorts of interesting people through looking at my followers.
There are downsides to Twitter, however, as with all things in life. These days it is near impossible to log on and take a read through the trending topics without seeing something that has been put there by a select group of fans. These are usually teenage fans, those who idolise singers/actors etc to the point of hysteria. I'm not saying all fans of these people are awful, you can't paint everyone with the same brush, but on the whole, some of the trending topics can seem immature and frankly annoying. I think back to the time I was a teenager, and I certainly idolised a few people in my time. At secondary school, the inside of my locker was plastered with pictures of Avril Lavigne. After that it was Green Day, whose lyrics were scribbled all over my pencil case with pride. Of course in those days, we didn't have social networking (I know, unbelievable! How did we ever cope?!) and so doodling on your school books or wearing a band t-shirt, and of course annoying your friends in person by referencing said band/actor in every conversation, were the ways to express yourself. It's hard to say whether, if I'd had Twitter at the time, I would have used it to the same ends as teenage fans today, maybe I would have. But if I bring it back to an Internet safety issue, would my parents have let me set up a Twitter page, open to the public, dedicated to a band I loved? Some of these kids who are gathering hundreds, if not thousands of followers, through promoting and adoring some teenage heartthrob, are so young! Anybody could be following them or contacting them. The thought does scare me a little.
Back to trending topics. There are so many better ways for the power of them to be harnessed than declaring love for some boy band. When I first joined, you could look there and see the breaking news stories of the day, from all over the world. They can be the first point of information for protests, government uprisings in other countries, natural disasters the world is just coming to learn about. All of these things seem so much more important than who is fitter than who, or what so and so had for breakfast.
So, what have I learnt from Twitter? That you can use it as a platform for good, and that there are some truly awesome people in the world. That is is one of the best ways to access information, whether it be news or updates about your friends or favourite celebrities. That you can raise awareness of important issues, and get global attention. And also, that teenagers in great numbers are a force to be reckoned with.
I really would recommend anyone who is stuck in the dark ages and therefore doesn't have a Twitter profile, to get one and get involved. Don't want the world knowing your business or worried about safety online? Protect your tweets! Tell your kids to protect their tweets! Block creepy people! The great thing about Twitter is that even if you don't have a great deal to say, other people do, and if you're not following them then you really should be. Look up your favourite singers, politicians, sportsmen and women, news channels, podcasts, websites, shops or people interested in the same things as you and learn what they have to say.
My "thing worth sharing" is http://www.podcastawards.com/ because you should all go and vote for Hogwarts Radio in the Entertainment catergory, yes you should! Also I added a Twitter follow button to this blog, so if you like what you see then you can more random bitesize chunks of my ramblings by following me there :)
Until next time,
Sarah x
I'll start with the time before I actually joined. Twitter was one of those things that very quickly became something you couldn't avoid. It burrowed its way into popular culture, aided by many "celebs" along the way. I think I first became aware of the site when Stephen Fry discussed it with Jonathan Ross on his BBC talk show. It wasn't enough to peak my interest though, really. Over the following months it would be forced upon me, through the medium of radio. Radio 1 was a station I (used to, anyway) listen to a lot, and as the big shows (Chris Moyles for instance) started to utilise its power, I became curious. Well, before curious I became angry. Many of the show's features were using twitter, despite the minute proportion of the show's audience that actually used the site, leaving to a lot of feeling left out if were to even remotely understand what it was they were talking about. "Trending topics" came up more and more frequently, and celebrity interviews would be littered with "are you on twitter?" and the giving out and sharing of twitter handles, who has more followers etc etc. Then the Twitter boom took off, and you couldn't watch a TV show without them mentioning Twitter, listen to a podcast without them mentioning their twitter, or keep up to date with anything pop culture without having Twitter. And so after speaking to a few friends and seeing whether it was worth the fuss, I, too, joined Twitter.
At first I started out with a small number of followers, who were just my friends, and I protected my tweets. I saw my page as a simple version of Facebook, where I could update my thoughts and feelings, maybe slightly more frequently than I do my Facebook status, which I rarely do to this day. Having a limited audience made it more cosy, a friendlier atmosphere than Facebook where anyone and everyone can see what you're up to these days. I'd found plenty of people to follow, a lot of them related to Harry Potter, as the fan sites and film stars were some of the accounts I most wanted to follow before joining. And I started enjoying the site. Trending topics became my way of keeping up with breaking news, and I came across new websites/artists/people whose tweets interested me, and my following count started to grow. But it wasn't until May of this year that I really started to see the benefits of Twitter, and how it can be used for good.
As it was well documented on this very blog, M.E Awareness Week took place during May, as it does every year. This was the first M.E Awareness Week where I had Twitter at my disposal as a tool for raising awareness and promoting good causes. I chose to unprotect my tweets so that the public could read them, therefore spreading the message even wider. It also provided the ability for people to retweet my tweets (something not available when tweets are protected) as well as being able to communicate with people who aren't following me (again, not available when tweets are protected). I, and others, had taken on the task of sharing round this M.E Awareness video made by the lovely Daisy. How would we get the video out there? Well, by tweeting celebrities of course! If we could get this message to appear on the profiles of people with tens, if not thousands of followers, then we were exposing that video to a huge audience. Of course not all of them are going to click the link, but certainly a good proportion of them might show some interest. As you can see by the number of views on that video (now over 9000 which is phenomenal) the video was a huge success, and a large part of that is down to Twitter, the the celebs who were kind enough to retweet mine, and other people's tweets.
Straight after awareness week, I protected my tweets again. "Online safety!" called the little voice inside my head, but I had witnessed the power of Twitter, and that played on my mind for some time. Now I have my tweets unprotected, and find I get so much more enjoyment out of Twitter. I can interact with more people, which involves speaking to people all over the world. I can get my voice heard, people occasionally retweet my tweets (who knew I had anything of value to say?!) and so my message was spread further. I can talk and communicate with people who are similar to me, and I find all sorts of interesting people through looking at my followers.
There are downsides to Twitter, however, as with all things in life. These days it is near impossible to log on and take a read through the trending topics without seeing something that has been put there by a select group of fans. These are usually teenage fans, those who idolise singers/actors etc to the point of hysteria. I'm not saying all fans of these people are awful, you can't paint everyone with the same brush, but on the whole, some of the trending topics can seem immature and frankly annoying. I think back to the time I was a teenager, and I certainly idolised a few people in my time. At secondary school, the inside of my locker was plastered with pictures of Avril Lavigne. After that it was Green Day, whose lyrics were scribbled all over my pencil case with pride. Of course in those days, we didn't have social networking (I know, unbelievable! How did we ever cope?!) and so doodling on your school books or wearing a band t-shirt, and of course annoying your friends in person by referencing said band/actor in every conversation, were the ways to express yourself. It's hard to say whether, if I'd had Twitter at the time, I would have used it to the same ends as teenage fans today, maybe I would have. But if I bring it back to an Internet safety issue, would my parents have let me set up a Twitter page, open to the public, dedicated to a band I loved? Some of these kids who are gathering hundreds, if not thousands of followers, through promoting and adoring some teenage heartthrob, are so young! Anybody could be following them or contacting them. The thought does scare me a little.
Back to trending topics. There are so many better ways for the power of them to be harnessed than declaring love for some boy band. When I first joined, you could look there and see the breaking news stories of the day, from all over the world. They can be the first point of information for protests, government uprisings in other countries, natural disasters the world is just coming to learn about. All of these things seem so much more important than who is fitter than who, or what so and so had for breakfast.
So, what have I learnt from Twitter? That you can use it as a platform for good, and that there are some truly awesome people in the world. That is is one of the best ways to access information, whether it be news or updates about your friends or favourite celebrities. That you can raise awareness of important issues, and get global attention. And also, that teenagers in great numbers are a force to be reckoned with.
I really would recommend anyone who is stuck in the dark ages and therefore doesn't have a Twitter profile, to get one and get involved. Don't want the world knowing your business or worried about safety online? Protect your tweets! Tell your kids to protect their tweets! Block creepy people! The great thing about Twitter is that even if you don't have a great deal to say, other people do, and if you're not following them then you really should be. Look up your favourite singers, politicians, sportsmen and women, news channels, podcasts, websites, shops or people interested in the same things as you and learn what they have to say.
My "thing worth sharing" is http://www.podcastawards.com/ because you should all go and vote for Hogwarts Radio in the Entertainment catergory, yes you should! Also I added a Twitter follow button to this blog, so if you like what you see then you can more random bitesize chunks of my ramblings by following me there :)
Until next time,
Sarah x
Saturday, 15 October 2011
Planning, Planning, Planning
So today I'm sitting here, not able to do a lot besides chill in bed with my laptop due to a dodgy hip. Whether it's the cold weather, too much walking, too little walking or just plain M.E being mysterious that has caused the pain and discomfort, I'm not sure. I get a fair bit of trouble with my joints, pain, weakness etc so I'm not too worried about it, it's just a bit of an inconvenience.
It does, however, give me time to blog! Hurrah. And so I thought I'd update on how my NaNoWriMo planning is going so far. The answer is surprising okay! I have a lot of plot information written down, as well as details about my characters. I've drawn some maps of locations used in my story, and have the chapters outlined.
Chapter outlining turned out to be the hardest part. I know I have a lot of specific events in my story that will have dedicated chapters, but when I first tried to plan each chapter I stalled at a total of eleven chapters, which isn't nearly enough. Following advice from others, I've set myself a goal of thirty chapters so I can write a chapter a day, or I can hope to at least. I have one thing on my side, and that is that I know the ending of my story. I've had this idea for a long time but have stalled when attempting to write it down, so I'm itching for November to begin so I can get going!
Of course this could all change come November. I'm still facing the problem of worrying my health will get in the way. If it does, then my health comes first and I won't finish. It's not a big deal, I'm only really doing this for fun after all! But who knows whether my weak wrists or difficulty with concentration will just make things too hard, time will tell.
One thing I am trying to do in the build up is make sure I'm writing each day, so this can be my writing for today. Hey, it's not particularly interesting writing, but it's practice at typing which is one thing I'm going to need. I also picked up a copy of the Guardian newspaper today, well my parents did, as they do every week. Included is a brilliant "How to Write Fiction" pull out section, which has some really wonderful trips and hints for writing, and includes several writing exercises which I will certainly be giving a go.
One thing I'm getting from NaNoWriMo before it's even started is the great sense of community. I've had a quick browse of the forums, where everybody seems friendly and supportive. I'm happy to share support with fellow participants on Twitter, so anybody who stumbles across this blog can find me at http://twitter.com/thatsizgirl I'll probably add a little Twitter widget to my blog as well for anyone who wants to keep track of my progress.
I'm entering this project as a complete novice writer really. It's something I enjoy, but not something I have any real formal experience with. My qualifications are limited (albeit through no fault of my own) but what better way of learning a craft than throwing yourself in at the deep end? I hope to add a few updates to my progress on this blog, I'm certainly excited about it. I just hope my enthusiasm will last until November!
For a "thing worth sharing" I have to direct people to BBC Iplayer to look up Stephen Fry's brilliant show on language Planet Word. As an ex-English Language student, this show has reignited my love of all things language, and it's a must watch for everybody. Episode three was hilarious so I shall link to that, it's also the most recent - http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b01614w9/
Until next time!
Sarah x
It does, however, give me time to blog! Hurrah. And so I thought I'd update on how my NaNoWriMo planning is going so far. The answer is surprising okay! I have a lot of plot information written down, as well as details about my characters. I've drawn some maps of locations used in my story, and have the chapters outlined.
Chapter outlining turned out to be the hardest part. I know I have a lot of specific events in my story that will have dedicated chapters, but when I first tried to plan each chapter I stalled at a total of eleven chapters, which isn't nearly enough. Following advice from others, I've set myself a goal of thirty chapters so I can write a chapter a day, or I can hope to at least. I have one thing on my side, and that is that I know the ending of my story. I've had this idea for a long time but have stalled when attempting to write it down, so I'm itching for November to begin so I can get going!
Of course this could all change come November. I'm still facing the problem of worrying my health will get in the way. If it does, then my health comes first and I won't finish. It's not a big deal, I'm only really doing this for fun after all! But who knows whether my weak wrists or difficulty with concentration will just make things too hard, time will tell.
One thing I am trying to do in the build up is make sure I'm writing each day, so this can be my writing for today. Hey, it's not particularly interesting writing, but it's practice at typing which is one thing I'm going to need. I also picked up a copy of the Guardian newspaper today, well my parents did, as they do every week. Included is a brilliant "How to Write Fiction" pull out section, which has some really wonderful trips and hints for writing, and includes several writing exercises which I will certainly be giving a go.
One thing I'm getting from NaNoWriMo before it's even started is the great sense of community. I've had a quick browse of the forums, where everybody seems friendly and supportive. I'm happy to share support with fellow participants on Twitter, so anybody who stumbles across this blog can find me at http://twitter.com/thatsizgirl I'll probably add a little Twitter widget to my blog as well for anyone who wants to keep track of my progress.
I'm entering this project as a complete novice writer really. It's something I enjoy, but not something I have any real formal experience with. My qualifications are limited (albeit through no fault of my own) but what better way of learning a craft than throwing yourself in at the deep end? I hope to add a few updates to my progress on this blog, I'm certainly excited about it. I just hope my enthusiasm will last until November!
For a "thing worth sharing" I have to direct people to BBC Iplayer to look up Stephen Fry's brilliant show on language Planet Word. As an ex-English Language student, this show has reignited my love of all things language, and it's a must watch for everybody. Episode three was hilarious so I shall link to that, it's also the most recent - http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b01614w9/
Until next time!
Sarah x
Monday, 15 August 2011
The Bus Journey Metaphor
This popped into my head at the weekend, whilst I was in the bath of all places (tmi?) which seems to be where all my inspiration comes to me. At the moment I'm sort of in this inbetween phase of my illness, where I'm a lot better than I was, but I have an awful long way still to go, and the journey to recovery is no simple one. What inspired me to write this, and what possibly lead me to the idea in the first place, was the reaction I get from people now that my health has improved. Comparing me to how I was, even just this time last year, sees a dramatic difference in my health and abilities. People see me doing all this stuff that I didn't use to be able to do, and presume that that's me all better again! Well, no, sadly it isn't. I'm not recovered, I'm still very much ill, and the things I do manage nowadays still cause me pain and exhaustion and are a struggle. And, most importantly, the road ahead is certainly not clear.
The bus I am on in this story is travelling at a very slow but very steady speed. That is to say it is always moving forward, always heading in the right direction, but it won't be winning any races anytime soon. Which pretty much describes my progress. As of the end of 2009, I began to make little improvements, very slowly and gradually, but which when added together moved me forward a great deal. I could tolerate more light, I could get downstairs more often, I made my first trips out of the house. So, I have passed many milestones whilst I've been on this bus. I may have hit the occasional speed bump (in the form of a cold or a flare up of old symptoms) which has shaken my health for a short while. Or perhaps had to swerve to avoid an adventurous duck who ventured across the road, (in other words something unexpected has come up I couldn't plan for, some drama or other that causes me stress) meaning I've had to stop everything, hit the breaks and check both the duck and myself are OK before I can set off once more. But I got going again and was till heading in the right direction. And that has pretty much been the case up until the point I'm at now.
With M.E it's never simple. Just because I've made progress so far, doesn't mean there aren't twists and turns in the road ahead of me. The closest I ever saw myself to recovery was when I was at 6th form. I'd missed nearly all of the 2 previous years of school, and there I was, well enough to attend for 2 whole terms. By well enough to attend, I mean for 1 hour a day on average. So comparing that to a healthy person, I still had a long way to go, and I struggled through it, but it was the closest to getting my life back I'd been since falling ill. Then I was hit by a huge relapse which sent me back to being bedbound, and since then I've had to keep the possibility of that happening again in mind, because I'd be stupid not to.
I'm not saying I'm not optimistic, after all, when I boarded this "bus" I bought a ticket to Full Health, and I fully intend to arrive at that destination. But I've been sensible and packed a nighty, spare set of clothes and a toothbrush in a bag which I'm carrying with me, just in case I hit any snags in my journey and end up stopping over somewhere I never intended to, let's say Relapseville or Virus Town.
Recovering from M.E is not an easy journey, and there are countless possibilities I have to prepare for. The way I see it is that this bus can take any direction it wants. It could do a u-turn in the middle of the street at any moment and take me straight back to the very place I first got on. It could crash completely, leaving my body battered and bruised and unable to function, meaning even the idea of catching the bus again anytime soon is out of the question. Plus the bus itself will need repairs and it could be months or years before I ever see it, and that opportunity to make progress, again.
The other possibilities I see are that the bus will carry on heading to its original destination, but via a network of side streets or diversions. I may be halfway there and the bus decides to take a left turn. Technically it's still heading towards the same final destination, but it's going to take a lot longer this way. The new neighbourhood the bus driver has decided to divert into is providing new symptoms. They don't set me back, but maybe they stop me making progress, and so I'm stuck in a network of side streets until I can find my way to a main road. Maybe I get stuck going round the same roundabout for a few months because my body can't work out how to get back on track. Or perhaps the driver decides to try something new, something he's never done before like some stunt driving, only he ends up with a puncture, meaning you're stuck by the side of the road until somebody can fix it. You get the idea.
Where I am right now is on this bus. I'm on the main road, following all the sign posts to my destination, but every time I pass a turning or a fork in the road I can't help glancing down that street and wondering if the next time I'm faced with a different direction, the bus driver (i.e M.E itself) will swing the steering wheel and knock me off course. So I have to prepared for the possibility, and I would like others to be able to see that too.
In order to get the support I need to eventually recover, I need everyone to see how much further is left of my journey, and what obstacles I still have left to face. It's a scary road ahead, and I can't face it all on my own. Yes I've come a long way, but that is no guarantee it will carry on. After all, bus travel is never the most reliable form of transport!
I have no idea whether this metaphor has made any sense, but it was the best way I could think of to describe it. So well done if you got it ;) and thank you for taking the time to read my rambling.
And for a my "thing worth sharing" I highly recommend my lovely friend Suz's blog <3 http://theworldaccordingtosuze.blogspot.com/
Until next time,
Sarah x
So I wanted a way to describe this, and as I seem to be using the word journey a lot when I think about it, the idea of a bus journey came into my head. The route I am travelling is the "road to recovery" and the bus driver refers to M.E itself, for that is who is truly in charge, and I am a mere passenger. For this story, I shall say that I started out by catching the bus at the end of 2009. That time period for me was when, after a year and a half of being bedbound, I started making progress once again. I stepped onto the progress bus, and this is where my journey begins.
The bus I am on in this story is travelling at a very slow but very steady speed. That is to say it is always moving forward, always heading in the right direction, but it won't be winning any races anytime soon. Which pretty much describes my progress. As of the end of 2009, I began to make little improvements, very slowly and gradually, but which when added together moved me forward a great deal. I could tolerate more light, I could get downstairs more often, I made my first trips out of the house. So, I have passed many milestones whilst I've been on this bus. I may have hit the occasional speed bump (in the form of a cold or a flare up of old symptoms) which has shaken my health for a short while. Or perhaps had to swerve to avoid an adventurous duck who ventured across the road, (in other words something unexpected has come up I couldn't plan for, some drama or other that causes me stress) meaning I've had to stop everything, hit the breaks and check both the duck and myself are OK before I can set off once more. But I got going again and was till heading in the right direction. And that has pretty much been the case up until the point I'm at now.With M.E it's never simple. Just because I've made progress so far, doesn't mean there aren't twists and turns in the road ahead of me. The closest I ever saw myself to recovery was when I was at 6th form. I'd missed nearly all of the 2 previous years of school, and there I was, well enough to attend for 2 whole terms. By well enough to attend, I mean for 1 hour a day on average. So comparing that to a healthy person, I still had a long way to go, and I struggled through it, but it was the closest to getting my life back I'd been since falling ill. Then I was hit by a huge relapse which sent me back to being bedbound, and since then I've had to keep the possibility of that happening again in mind, because I'd be stupid not to.
I'm not saying I'm not optimistic, after all, when I boarded this "bus" I bought a ticket to Full Health, and I fully intend to arrive at that destination. But I've been sensible and packed a nighty, spare set of clothes and a toothbrush in a bag which I'm carrying with me, just in case I hit any snags in my journey and end up stopping over somewhere I never intended to, let's say Relapseville or Virus Town.
Recovering from M.E is not an easy journey, and there are countless possibilities I have to prepare for. The way I see it is that this bus can take any direction it wants. It could do a u-turn in the middle of the street at any moment and take me straight back to the very place I first got on. It could crash completely, leaving my body battered and bruised and unable to function, meaning even the idea of catching the bus again anytime soon is out of the question. Plus the bus itself will need repairs and it could be months or years before I ever see it, and that opportunity to make progress, again.
The other possibilities I see are that the bus will carry on heading to its original destination, but via a network of side streets or diversions. I may be halfway there and the bus decides to take a left turn. Technically it's still heading towards the same final destination, but it's going to take a lot longer this way. The new neighbourhood the bus driver has decided to divert into is providing new symptoms. They don't set me back, but maybe they stop me making progress, and so I'm stuck in a network of side streets until I can find my way to a main road. Maybe I get stuck going round the same roundabout for a few months because my body can't work out how to get back on track. Or perhaps the driver decides to try something new, something he's never done before like some stunt driving, only he ends up with a puncture, meaning you're stuck by the side of the road until somebody can fix it. You get the idea. 
In order to get the support I need to eventually recover, I need everyone to see how much further is left of my journey, and what obstacles I still have left to face. It's a scary road ahead, and I can't face it all on my own. Yes I've come a long way, but that is no guarantee it will carry on. After all, bus travel is never the most reliable form of transport!I have no idea whether this metaphor has made any sense, but it was the best way I could think of to describe it. So well done if you got it ;) and thank you for taking the time to read my rambling.
And for a my "thing worth sharing" I highly recommend my lovely friend Suz's blog <3 http://theworldaccordingtosuze.blogspot.com/
Until next time,
Sarah x
Saturday, 30 July 2011
Why All Publicity ISN'T Good Publicity.
So, M.E was in the news a lot yesterday. It's rare for it to have such attention paid to it by the media, so often we have to fight to be heard, yet yesterday it seemed you couldn't escape it. Normally I would say this was no bad thing, after all, just mentioning the illness on radio or television may be enough to bring it in to people's consciousness; people who would otherwise be oblivious to it.
Let me start off by saying that in my house, Radio 5 is the radio station that pretty much every radio in the house is permanently tuned in to. We're a big sporting family (well, not myself for obvious reasons!) but everyone likes to be up to date on football and cricket results, as well as listening to their usually brilliant news coverage.
So yesterday morning, as usual, I come downstairs to find my mum in the kitchen, radio on whilst I took a seat in the living room, where I could still hear it. I'd read some things on twitter whilst still upstairs in bed about the coverage that had been on Radio 4, which sadly I didn't manage to hear, but will try and look up online. Then, Radio 5 move on to a discussion about M.E, and I'm all ears.
They started by talking to Esther Crawley, AYME's medical adviser, who has been the subject of death threats due to the research she takes part in. That is truly horrifying, and I am disgusted that people would go to those lengths to voice their disagreement, however strongly they feel about the research being undertaken. People who are behind such threats give a bad name to the M.E community, which is a strong one, and has a very big online presence. Whilst we fight to be heard, these people are giving all of us a bad name.
The dilemma with M.E research is that so much of it seems to be psychological, which lead to the next topic of discussion on the radio. Let me state quiet clearly that M.E is NOT a psychological illness, and has been recognised by the World Health Organisation as a NEUROLOGICAL condition. The problem, however, lies with the continued lack of understanding from members of the public, right up to people in the medical profession, who often refuse to accept this fact, and therefore disregard the illness or treat it as a psychological problem. There is no test for M.E, and so much in unknown about it, and it seems for some doctors that means a problem for them.
So I was disgusted when, once the presenter started taking calls from members of the public, she started grilling them about why they had a problem with M.E being labeled psychological. According to her, it is because there is a negative stigma associated with mental illness, and we don't want to be associated with that. Is that the reason? NO. The reason M.E patients do not wish to be, and should in no case, be classed as psychologically ill, is because M.E IS NOT A PSYCHOLOGICAL ILLNESS. Think of it like this. You break your leg. You can't walk and are in horrendous amounts of pain. So you go to the doctor, only for them to turn to you and say "I'm sorry, I can't help you because you don't have a physical problem, it's a psychological problem you have, it's all in your head." That would be completely unacceptable and wrong, yet this is exactly the kind of treatment M.E patients are subjected to. They have a physical illness, recognised by the WHO and yet are faced with being treated as a psychiatric patient.
To be honest, that is when I turned off the radio. After listening to the presenter speaking to M.E sufferers, and their families, and insisting that maybe the problem we has is that we were prejudiced against mental illness and that's why we weren't happy with the psychological research, and being treated as psychiatric patients, I got so angry I turned off. I have no idea how that segment ended, but in my opinion, the damage was already done.
I would just like to state, for the record, that I have no issues with mental illness. I would never trivialise it, or treat people suffering from mental illness as any kind of lesser being. I understand how devastating mental illness is. Why? One of the people closest to me in the world suffers from depression and anxiety, and I see what she goes through and the scars she bears (literally). I have seen people close to me go through eating disorders, and I understand how horrific an illness anorexia/bulimia is. If I had a psychological illness, my experiences with these people close to me would help me to recognise that, and I would do anything to try and help myself, because I've seen how lives can be nearly lost through mental illness. But at the end of the day, I don't have a psychological illness, I have a physical one, which is why I deserve to be treated in a way that is appropriate for the recognised condition I have.
Yes, M.E research has been focused on psychological treatments, something I neither agree with, or would ever take part in. I believe bio-medical research needs to be the focus if we are to ever get some kind of cure. But death threats are not the way. I truly hope the world will come to realise our struggle sooner rather than later, and that we all get the research in to our illness to help us escape the daily battle. The stigma, and mistreatment of M.E patients needs to stop, and the media needs to get their act together and help us, not hinder our cause by taking us ten steps back for every one step forward.
Sarah x
Let me start off by saying that in my house, Radio 5 is the radio station that pretty much every radio in the house is permanently tuned in to. We're a big sporting family (well, not myself for obvious reasons!) but everyone likes to be up to date on football and cricket results, as well as listening to their usually brilliant news coverage.
So yesterday morning, as usual, I come downstairs to find my mum in the kitchen, radio on whilst I took a seat in the living room, where I could still hear it. I'd read some things on twitter whilst still upstairs in bed about the coverage that had been on Radio 4, which sadly I didn't manage to hear, but will try and look up online. Then, Radio 5 move on to a discussion about M.E, and I'm all ears.
They started by talking to Esther Crawley, AYME's medical adviser, who has been the subject of death threats due to the research she takes part in. That is truly horrifying, and I am disgusted that people would go to those lengths to voice their disagreement, however strongly they feel about the research being undertaken. People who are behind such threats give a bad name to the M.E community, which is a strong one, and has a very big online presence. Whilst we fight to be heard, these people are giving all of us a bad name.
The dilemma with M.E research is that so much of it seems to be psychological, which lead to the next topic of discussion on the radio. Let me state quiet clearly that M.E is NOT a psychological illness, and has been recognised by the World Health Organisation as a NEUROLOGICAL condition. The problem, however, lies with the continued lack of understanding from members of the public, right up to people in the medical profession, who often refuse to accept this fact, and therefore disregard the illness or treat it as a psychological problem. There is no test for M.E, and so much in unknown about it, and it seems for some doctors that means a problem for them.
So I was disgusted when, once the presenter started taking calls from members of the public, she started grilling them about why they had a problem with M.E being labeled psychological. According to her, it is because there is a negative stigma associated with mental illness, and we don't want to be associated with that. Is that the reason? NO. The reason M.E patients do not wish to be, and should in no case, be classed as psychologically ill, is because M.E IS NOT A PSYCHOLOGICAL ILLNESS. Think of it like this. You break your leg. You can't walk and are in horrendous amounts of pain. So you go to the doctor, only for them to turn to you and say "I'm sorry, I can't help you because you don't have a physical problem, it's a psychological problem you have, it's all in your head." That would be completely unacceptable and wrong, yet this is exactly the kind of treatment M.E patients are subjected to. They have a physical illness, recognised by the WHO and yet are faced with being treated as a psychiatric patient.
To be honest, that is when I turned off the radio. After listening to the presenter speaking to M.E sufferers, and their families, and insisting that maybe the problem we has is that we were prejudiced against mental illness and that's why we weren't happy with the psychological research, and being treated as psychiatric patients, I got so angry I turned off. I have no idea how that segment ended, but in my opinion, the damage was already done.
I would just like to state, for the record, that I have no issues with mental illness. I would never trivialise it, or treat people suffering from mental illness as any kind of lesser being. I understand how devastating mental illness is. Why? One of the people closest to me in the world suffers from depression and anxiety, and I see what she goes through and the scars she bears (literally). I have seen people close to me go through eating disorders, and I understand how horrific an illness anorexia/bulimia is. If I had a psychological illness, my experiences with these people close to me would help me to recognise that, and I would do anything to try and help myself, because I've seen how lives can be nearly lost through mental illness. But at the end of the day, I don't have a psychological illness, I have a physical one, which is why I deserve to be treated in a way that is appropriate for the recognised condition I have.
Yes, M.E research has been focused on psychological treatments, something I neither agree with, or would ever take part in. I believe bio-medical research needs to be the focus if we are to ever get some kind of cure. But death threats are not the way. I truly hope the world will come to realise our struggle sooner rather than later, and that we all get the research in to our illness to help us escape the daily battle. The stigma, and mistreatment of M.E patients needs to stop, and the media needs to get their act together and help us, not hinder our cause by taking us ten steps back for every one step forward.
Sarah x
Sunday, 26 June 2011
Fear of Failure
For this blog post, I wanted to share my views and feelings on one of the toughest decisions of my life, dropping out of college. So it's a personal blog post, and purely my own opinions. Enjoy :)
When I was 17, my health deteriorated to the point where I could no longer attend 6th form college, leading to me having to eventually make the decision to drop out. This is no easy decision; abandoning your education goes against all your instincts, but when your body is unable to cope, there really is no other choice.
The decision to drop out of college was not an easy one for me, and I know there are plenty of fellow M.E sufferers who have faced the same dilemma of putting their health first. Throughout my school life I was a fairly high achiever, I did well in most of my subjects and managed to get good grades. My GCSE grades will always be slightly tinged with disappointment for me because, before I fell ill, I was predicted As and A*s. This was never going to be achieveable after missing so much schooling through years 10 and 11, not to mention the fact I was still battling my symptoms every day.
I've always said my doing well at school was a product of my fear of failure; to me, I just couldn't face the idea of letting myself and other people down. I had to try my best and aim for good grades. But pulling out of college and becoming something of a "school drop out" has all the connotations of failure, one of my biggest fears.
The way we are brought up these days is to be told that qualifications are everything; that without all our GCSEs we can not possibly get anywhere in life. Schools and parents are constantly drilling it in to us from such a young age that we don't want to become bin men or work in a fast food outlet. The pressure to avoid this seemingly dreadful life is huge. I took a lot of comfort in the fact that secondary schools these days care mostly about their league tables, as opposed to personal achievements of their students. Sure, there are certain teachers who will take an interest in their students, and who care about what happens once they move on in to the big wide world, but at the end of the day if a school wants to look good, it needs pupils to get high grades.
Dropping out of school to focus on my health wasn't a failure. It was the greatest decision I ever made, because my body could relax without fear of stress induced relapses, and I had more time and energy to put in to getting myself better. But there is one thing I regret, and that's not realising that school isn't everything earlier on in my life. Even before I got ill, I fear I wasted some of the best years of my life stressing over school work instead of having fun. Don't get me wrong, you can still do well at school and have fun, and I'm in no way implying that everyone should doss around and skip classes, because I'm not. I'm saying that the stress associated with the fear of failing was just wasted energy.
I've learnt from this period in my life, and even when I go on to work (when I'm well enough) I will make sure that I enjoy myself, and not work myself in to a hole. I'm an ambitious person, but that doesn't mean I need to sacrifice any kind of happiness and enjoyment I can get from work.
For me, one quote that helps me realise that however my health may be, there are more important things was this quote-
It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default. - J. K. Rowling.
I don't want to be one of the people who hasn't lived; I want to learn from every experience. After all, getting ill has turned out to be more educational than any school course.
My thing worth sharing, in keeping with my blog, is the full J. K. Rowling quote I used above, which can be found here. :) Thank you for reading!
Until next time,
Sarah x
When I was 17, my health deteriorated to the point where I could no longer attend 6th form college, leading to me having to eventually make the decision to drop out. This is no easy decision; abandoning your education goes against all your instincts, but when your body is unable to cope, there really is no other choice.
The decision to drop out of college was not an easy one for me, and I know there are plenty of fellow M.E sufferers who have faced the same dilemma of putting their health first. Throughout my school life I was a fairly high achiever, I did well in most of my subjects and managed to get good grades. My GCSE grades will always be slightly tinged with disappointment for me because, before I fell ill, I was predicted As and A*s. This was never going to be achieveable after missing so much schooling through years 10 and 11, not to mention the fact I was still battling my symptoms every day.
I've always said my doing well at school was a product of my fear of failure; to me, I just couldn't face the idea of letting myself and other people down. I had to try my best and aim for good grades. But pulling out of college and becoming something of a "school drop out" has all the connotations of failure, one of my biggest fears.
The way we are brought up these days is to be told that qualifications are everything; that without all our GCSEs we can not possibly get anywhere in life. Schools and parents are constantly drilling it in to us from such a young age that we don't want to become bin men or work in a fast food outlet. The pressure to avoid this seemingly dreadful life is huge. I took a lot of comfort in the fact that secondary schools these days care mostly about their league tables, as opposed to personal achievements of their students. Sure, there are certain teachers who will take an interest in their students, and who care about what happens once they move on in to the big wide world, but at the end of the day if a school wants to look good, it needs pupils to get high grades.
Dropping out of school to focus on my health wasn't a failure. It was the greatest decision I ever made, because my body could relax without fear of stress induced relapses, and I had more time and energy to put in to getting myself better. But there is one thing I regret, and that's not realising that school isn't everything earlier on in my life. Even before I got ill, I fear I wasted some of the best years of my life stressing over school work instead of having fun. Don't get me wrong, you can still do well at school and have fun, and I'm in no way implying that everyone should doss around and skip classes, because I'm not. I'm saying that the stress associated with the fear of failing was just wasted energy.
I've learnt from this period in my life, and even when I go on to work (when I'm well enough) I will make sure that I enjoy myself, and not work myself in to a hole. I'm an ambitious person, but that doesn't mean I need to sacrifice any kind of happiness and enjoyment I can get from work.
For me, one quote that helps me realise that however my health may be, there are more important things was this quote-
It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default. - J. K. Rowling.
I don't want to be one of the people who hasn't lived; I want to learn from every experience. After all, getting ill has turned out to be more educational than any school course.
My thing worth sharing, in keeping with my blog, is the full J. K. Rowling quote I used above, which can be found here. :) Thank you for reading!
Until next time,
Sarah x
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